Thats right! You heard it here first. Nikki Lucas has finally embraced the avid wonder of modern technology and is desperately attempting to a) hold onto youth and b) make public the priceless, comical yet hugely pathetic state of affairs that is her 25th year of life.
So here I am. After years of mocking quips like “mate you should document your life, it would be freakin GENIUS” or “has anyone told you, you have a way with words?” to “how Nikki, HOW does this always happen to YOU” I have decided that yes. It is now time to put claws to keypad and attempt to entertain you, the masses, with my highly embarrassing grammer and hugely captivating tales of chuckles and woa.
So where on gods green earth do I even start? Well it would be in everyones best interests to fast forward 2010 (fucking shambles of a year that one kids – although in hindsight it really is laughable and does have a few golden moments) and start right here. 2011 baby!
I say baby with positive emphasis there to give you the impression that all is well and right with the world in 2011 however apologies all for you are sorely mistaken. Lets begin on January 2nd. (no you utter berks I am not going to attempt to re-live every day in vast and intolerable detail, this is but a summary outlining a few pert, poinient and memorable moments that have made life today – March 9th – exactly what it is)
Rosa Rolo, a good friend and former housemate said to me on this day “Nikki, 2011 is going to be your year. You completely deserve it to be and I can just feel it. I can tell that this year is so going to be great for you hun.” (or something along those lines….) Famous last words there Rolo, thanks. If I were to now sum January up in quick succession for you it would reveil a rather different outlook. In the three consecutive weeks that followed I fell wankered out of a hot tub and broke my wrist, got whiplash from rocking my hair back and forth slightly too vigorously to Willow Smith and finished the month of by waking up in a pile of my own death and vomit after a staff night out.
So after standing over the sink and allowing my poor pal Lauren who repayed my selfless gift of giving her a floor to sleep on for the night by scrapping the lumps of the previous nights Chinese out my hair, stumbling to work (leaving the sick in the bed mind) and coming home to a sheet I had to throw out and my brand new crisp white duvet cover ruined, I finally began to feel that 2011 really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be thus far. That and the fact that I am still hopeless single, hopelessly broke, hopelessly lost in my career path and generally a down and out hopeless being who can’t even climb upstairs to bed without getting my dressing gown caught in the doorknob and end up snack faced in the plate of mouldy toast crusts I left out from this morning like I did literally ten minutes ago, is really just making me think that this really isn’t my time to shine Rosa Rolo. I’m starting in fact to wonder if it ever will be. But you know what? Fuck it! It’s funny and I’m having a laugh. So for now, as my introduction is done, it is goodnight from me oh ye of little faith in my soon to be thriving and amazing blog of joy! We are now at present day and ready to roll on. Summer is nearly upon is, as is the inpending and doomful date of singlenessnessnessss and that is bound to create a masterpiece in blog literacy for you all to enjoy. I’m free and and easy and ready for…..well much of the same as I have been doing. It’s never going to end so I may as well enjoy the ride of life (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) TA Taa for now, your pal Nikki. X